How to Maintain an Online Relationship: 15 Steps (with Pictures)
Before you do anything in a cyber-relationship, be cautious! Online predators are everywhere and you don't want to get caught up in a cell phone number. Download my 10 best “no-fail” openers that WILL have her handing you her phone number tonight. Warning Signs Your Internet Relationship Is Not Real. I'd met a guy online – he was interesting and good-looking, and we had No doubt you have a terrible dating story (or many stories) of your own. People who use Tinder tend not to be looking for long-term relationships.
When thinking about our online relationships and how "real" they are, we need to ask ourselves how much we trust the very limited perceptual information we have to go on. Who's in front of the screen and who's behind it? Do we really know or has our perceptual equipment given us false information? Who are you on the internet? Do you show all aspects of your character and personality or just parts of yourself? Even if you feel you show all of yourself, do others interpret what you present in the way you'd like them to or are there many misunderstandings about what you "mean" and "who you are"?
Who are the people that we "talk" to online? What can we really glean about someone from what they type? Who is looking back at you from your computer screen?
Is it the person you are talking to or simply an aspect of yourself that's being reflected back at you? How can we tell the difference? The Role of Defense Mechanisms in Online Relationships To attempt to answer some of these questions let's have a look at some common issues in online relationships and the types of psychological behaviors and processes we use in our web based relationships with others.
In particular, I want to look at psychological defense mechanisms. We all have our favorite defense mechanisms that we use both on and offline, but from my experience the following ones are the defenses that we are most likely to use online. Notice that I include myself in this! Even after studying psychology, sociology and counseling for many years I'm certainly not immune to using defense mechanisms - I may just be slightly more aware when I have used one.
Projection Simply put, projection is placing our unacceptable emotions onto someone else. The emotions, thoughts, or beliefs we project onto others tend to be ones that we deny we possess. Projection is slippery and can be very hard to see in ourselves unless we look really hard and are willing to be very honest with ourselves!
An example of projection would be denying to ourselves that we are attracted to someone outside of our relationship and then accusing our partner of being attracted to someone else. We see others carrying out the behavior instead of ourselves. The faceless world of the web enables us to project our stuff onto others far more easily than in the real world and to "get away with it" more often, since there's rarely any challenge or consequence.
Idealization and Devaluation Splitting In simple terms idealization and devaluation means having a strong tendency to see things and people in black and white terms - as either all good or all bad.
When idealizing someone, we are unable to see them as a whole person with both positive and negative qualities. We only see the good parts.
The Scoop on Making Internet Relationships Work | LoveToKnow
The opposite is true for devaluation - we only see the bad qualities that someone possesses even though in reality we all possess a mixture of both good and bad qualities. In "splitting", we might feel that we are intrinsically bad and others are intrinsically good or the other way round. This will express itself as someone "putting you on a pedestal" while constantly depreciating themselves. In the reverse it will be expressed as having someone constantly give the impression of "looking down on you" and criticizing your every word - they feel that they are "good" and you are "bad".
In the world of the internet it can be hard to challenge these kinds of interactions, since people often present themselves to us as "all good". It's more likely when both people in the relationship portray themselves in an honest way. When an online dater pretends to be someone they aren't, any feelings of love aren't necessarily valid.
In(ternet) Love: Have a Healthy Online Relationship
On the other hand, some experts suggest that falling in love online isn't genuine because too many variables are missing in conversation such as nonverbal communication when it isn't face to face. It's safe to make the assumption that the answer has to be "maybe," depending on individual circumstances. How to Make Internet Relationships Work There are a few things that couples can do to help their internet relationships succeed.
Communication All relationships need communication in order to last. This is especially true for Internet relationships. In fact, communication is all that some internet couples have, since they are unable to spend time together in-person like traditional couples.
The great thing about this, however, is that the couple will quickly determine if they enjoy talking together. On a normal date, you may be blind to the lack of intellectual and emotional compatibility if you are physically attracted to your partner. When all you can do with each other is talk, you'll know for certain if the two of you share a connection.
This creates a communication and emotional base to the relationship that can be lacking from traditional relationships. If the two of you transition from internet to in-person couple, you'll have the potential to be a very emotionally connected couple.
Use the Phone Since internet couples often start communicating by e-mail and instant messages, there is a tendency to continue relying on these communication methods.
Writing to each other has its place, but you'll enjoy the relationship more if you use the phone as well. Hearing each other's voice just can't be replaced by typing emoticons. To avoid long distance phone bills or to save your wireless minutes, consider using internet voice technologies. Deveau on types of relationships online participants were seeking. They concluded that "when asked what they were looking for in an online relationship, the considerable majority of participants expressed interest in seeking fun, companionship, and someone to talk to.
Most also reported interests in developing casual friendships and dating relationships with online partners. Substantially fewer reported using the Internet for the specific purposes of identifying potential sexual or marital partners.
Plus, marriages that began online were less likely to end in separation or divorce. A Qualitative Study Examining Online Relationships and Cyber Abuse, reported the results of their research and observation of over 35, individuals between the ages of 6 and 24 who have been or currently are a part of an internet relationship.
Of the final posts chosen to be included in the study, the average age of online users sharing information about their online relationship s was 14 years old. The study also showed that the internet plays a crucial role in most sexual and romantic experiences of adolescent users. There are dating websites that focus on the matchmaking of certain groups of people based on religion, sexual preference, race, etc.
This opens up time to travel and experience things without the burden of a relationship. This can also include individuals communicating sexually via video or audio.
Some websites offer a cybersex service, where a patron pays the website owner in exchange for an online sexual experience with another person. Cybersex sometimes includes real life masturbation. The quality of a cybersex encounter typically depends upon the participants' abilities to evoke a vivid, visceral mental picture in the minds of their partners. Imagination and suspension of disbelief are also critically important.
Cybersex can occur either within the context of existing or intimate relationships, e. In some contexts cybersex is enhanced by the use of a webcam to transmit real-time video of the partners. Social networking relationships[ edit ] Social networking has enabled people to connect with each other via the internet. Sometimes, members of a social networking service do know all, or many of their "friends" Facebook or "connections" LinkedIn etc.
However, sometimes internet relationships are formed through these services, including but not limited to: One aspect that is possible on all social networking sites is the possibility of an internet relationship. These sites enable users to search for new connections based on location, education, experiences, hobbies, age, gender, and more. This allows individuals meeting each other to already have some characteristic in common.
These sites usually allow for people who do not know each other to "add" each other as a connection or friend and to send each other messages.
This connection can lead to more communication between two individuals.
An immense amount of information about the individuals can be found directly on their social network profile. Proving those individuals include plentiful and accurate information about themselves, people in online relationships can find out much about each other by viewing profiles and "about me's".
Communication between individuals can become more frequent, thus forming some type of relationship via the internet. This relationship can turn into an acquaintance, a friendship, a romantic relationship, or even a business partnership.
Online gaming[ edit ] Online gaming elicits the introduction of many different types of people in one interface. A common type of online game where individuals form relationships is the MMORPG, or a massively multiplayer online role-playing game.
These games enable individuals to create a character that represents them and interact with other characters played by real individuals, while at the same time carrying out the tasks and goals of the actual game.
Card games such as poker and board games like Pictionary have been transformed into virtual interfaces that allow an individual to play against people across the internet, as well as chatting with them. Virtual pet sites such as Webkinz and Neopets are another type of popular online game that allow individuals to socialize with other players.
- Online dating: 10 rules to help find the ideal partner
- Warning Signs Your Internet Relationship Is Not Real
- Do You Understand the Psychology of Online Relationships?