Finding what you want in a relationship

Finding Love: Empowering Tools to Find the Relationship You Want

finding what you want in a relationship

Looking for love and finding frustration instead? "At the early stages of any relationship you should be dating -- and that's dating, not sleeping. This post is in response to Why Some People Can't Find Anyone to Marry by Fredric . They can take any relationship as slowly as they want, testing the waters. When it comes to finding love, many of us feel powerless. Yet, there are tangible things we can work on to help ourselves find meaningful relationships.

Concentrate on activities you enjoy, your career, health, and relationships with family and friends. When you focus on keeping yourself happy, it will keep your life balanced and make you a more interesting person when you do meet someone special.

It always takes time to really get to know a person and you have to experience being with someone in a variety of situations.

finding what you want in a relationship

Be honest about your own flaws and shortcomings. Besides, what you consider a flaw may actually be something another person finds quirky and appealing. Build a genuine connection The dating game can be nerve wracking.

But no matter how shy or socially awkward you feel, you can overcome your nerves and self-consciousness and forge a great connection. Focus outward, not inward. Staying fully present in the moment will help take your mind off worries and insecurities. No one likes to be manipulated or placated.

finding what you want in a relationship

Rather than helping you connect and make a good impression, your efforts will most likely backfire. Make an effort to truly listen to the other person. Put your smartphone away.

Dating Tips for Finding the Right Person

Put a priority on having fun Online dating, singles events, and matchmaking services like speed dating are enjoyable for some people, but for others they can feel more like high-pressure job interviews. And whatever dating experts might tell you, there is a big difference between finding the right career and finding lasting love.

Instead of scouring dating sites or hanging out in pick-up bars, think of your time as a single person as a great opportunity to expand your social circle and participate in new events. Make having fun your focus. Tips for finding fun activities and like-minded people: Volunteer for a favorite charity, animal shelter, or political campaign.

Or even try a volunteer vacation for details see Resources section below. Take an extension course at a local college or university. Sign up for dance, cooking, or art classes. Join a running club, hiking group, cycling group, or sports team. Join a theater group, film group, or attend a panel discussion at a museum.

Find a local book group or photography club. Attend local food and wine tasting events or art gallery openings. How about pole dancing, origami, or lawn bowling? Getting out of your comfort zone can be rewarding in itself.

Handle rejection gracefully At some point, everyone looking for love is going to have to deal with rejection—both as the person being rejected and the person doing the rejecting.

finding what you want in a relationship

By staying positive and being honest with yourself and others, handling rejection can be far less intimidating. The key is to accept that rejection is an inevitable part of dating but to not spend too much time worrying about it. Be grateful for early rejections—it can spare you much more pain down the road.

Avoiding Competition Sometimes finding love means having to be vulnerable and put ourselves out there.

We may be afraid of looking like a fool or of not being chosen. If we avoid competing i.

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We build walls designed to keep us feeling safe. For some people, this may mean seeking isolation. Whatever this bubble may be for each of us, understanding what it is and how it operates can help us start to break out a little and challenge the defended posture that shuts other out. Seeking a Soulmate Another thing that can act as a barrier to finding love is the tendency to favor fantasy over reality.

When it comes to dating and relationships, many of us still believe in the notion of a soulmate, one individual who can complement and complete us in every way. While searching for someone with whom we feel a real connection and attraction and who ultimately feels like our soulmate is a worthy pursuit, sometimes we create unrealistic expectations and take a more passive role in our romantic destiny, because we hold a fantasy of what finding love will look like.

Basically, we narrow our search in ways that can shut out opportunities.

Dating Tips for Finding the Right Person - meer-bezoekers.info

If we formed an insecure attachment as children, we may be more likely to feel insecure, anxious, or avoidant in our interpersonal relationships throughout our lives.

This awareness orients us to make better choices, stick out challenges, and form more secure attachments. We may also unconsciously look for partners who reinforce existing negative views we have about ourselves. If we think of ourselves as stupid, we may feel attracted to someone who acts superior. If we feel insecure, we may look for someone who builds us up unrealistically. Think about the qualities you typically look for in a partner. What do you really hope to find?

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Are there certain qualities that you would avoid in the future? Get to know the patterns behind the people you choose, so you can find ways to break out the cycle and find someone new to whom you can really connect.

For example, we may not only seek out people who feel familiar based on our past, but once we start dating someone, are there ways that we distort them? Do we suddenly start to feel hypercritical? Do we start to feel suffocated, like we just need space? We can even start to provoke our partner to act in certain ways. If we see ourselves as irresponsible, for example, we may act in ways that are more flaky or absentminded.

Figuring Out What You Want in a Relationship | The Art of Charm

We then feel furious when our partner starts to sound parental or instructive. We may hate when our partner calls too many times or wants our attention too often, but we may act distant and unavailable, which causes him or her to be the one who reaches out most of the time. If we can get to know our side of the dynamic, the patterns and behaviors that undermine our goal of achieving intimacy, then we can start to challenge these inclinations before they start to rule our relationships.

Take Chances When it comes to dating, we rely pretty heavily on instinct. It simply means having a more adventurous attitude and seeing where things go. It can help you step back from the situation and start to sort out, not just whether the situation is worth pursuing, but to make sense of your own reactions and understand your own patterns even better.

The goal of this voice is to make us maintain a comfortable and familiar, yet highly negative view of ourselves and your partner or potential partners. Get to know this inner critic, so you can challenge it, ignore its comments and reject its advice. Learn steps to conquer your critical inner voice Hang in There Finding love is an adventure filled with highs and lows.

The road to get there can be filled with awkward encounters, epic disappointments, hysterical mishaps, and entangled paths that led nowhere.