How to Co Parent With an Ex: 15 Steps (with Pictures) - wikiHow
Relationships end and marriages fail, but the collateral damage can be My mother never once spoke ill of my father as she knew this would not only be you and your ex-partner and do not use your child as a pigeon carrier. He regularly publishes mental health articles on the website Toxic Escape. For a full year in my 20s, I did not speak to my mother. Unfortunately, many broken parent/child relationships don't have such a happy ending. distilled them into 30 Lessons for Living; Tried and True Advice from the Wisest . That is how my ex came back to me and she no longer think of other people. Your marriage may be over, but your relationship with the other parent will continue as long as both you and your children are alive. Healthy.
Is Your Ex Turning Your Child Against You? | HuffPost Life
Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email. It is widely accepted that children are far better off maintaining a healthy relationship with both parents when there are no signs of neglect or abuse. Parental alienation, while a relatively new concept, has quickly become recognized as a genuine condition that is extremely detrimental to the mental health of children.
Through psychological manipulation, the alienating parent fosters and encourages rejection of the other parent. This can be done subtly and unintentionally through occasional belittling comments, to active and malicious "brainwashing" with the intent to replace any love the child may have for the other parent with hate.
Alienation can be cataclysmic during such an emotional time as divorce. The children are trying to comprehend why their parents will no longer be together, and the younger they are, the more likely they are to cling to whatever they are told. This creates a perfect situation for a vindictive parent who is wrapped up in their own emotions to warp the perceptions of their children. In most situations, the primary custodial parent is the leading offender in contributing to parental alienation.
This overwhelmingly makes non-custodial fathers the targets due to the fact that the overwhelming majority of custody disputes result in mothers receiving primary custody. Since the children spend more time with the primary parent, the mother usually has more of an opportunity to spread her influence.
While the alienating parent may not intend to hurt their children, this can have extremely negative consequences on their well-being and is more common than you might think.
Relationships, Former Lovers, and Trust
Recent studies have found that some level of parental alienation can be found in percent of divorces involving childrenand that severe alienation can be classified as abuse though it is often overlooked. Children can suffer from many issues that hamper development during their most impressionable years, including depression, low self-esteem, trust issues, and an increased risk of developing substance abuse problems.
If the breakup is particularly nasty, you might face resistance from your ex-partner. Jealously and resentment are commonplace and can be destructive for all parties involved in the split; it is important to detach from the hurt and stay focused on who you want to be. Ensure your children are not carrying the burden. I felt like it was my fault. I also felt I was responsible for their happiness.
I worried about them constantly and I wanted to protect their feelings. Your child needs to feel valued for who they are, not for what they do. They will need to be reminded, preferably by both parents, that they are not responsible for what has happened — that each person is responsible for their own emotions and that nothing that has happened changes the fact that they are a special little person and deserve all the happiness in the world.
Remind them they have not been abandoned. Watching my own father leave during the early stages of the separation created a sense of abandonment, a fear that he would never return. This is something I carried with me right through to adult life.
To be abandoned by a parent is an indescribable loss. The child needs to know that they have not been left behind. That the parent will always be there for them and will never leave no matter what happens. These are natural reactions to what has happened and your child should be allowed to express this. My mother never once spoke ill of my father as she knew this would not only be unfair on me but would only serve to deepen the wound further.
A young child is still emotionally bound to both parents, so to speak badly of one parent to a child is as good as saying that the child themselves is bad.
They might internalise the words, and believe they are in some way flawed or unworthy. Give them the freedom to choose. This will be a time of great confusion and inner conflict for your child. They love both parents, and having to decide where to go and who to be with could cause not only anxiety but trauma and fear over losing someone.
Put zero pressure on your child.
Relationships, Former Lovers, And Trust
Offer options and suggestion as to what they might like to do around visits, but then leave it up to them to decide. Children know what feels right and wrong, but fear might drive them to make the wrong choice. A child still needs to understand boundaries and learn that self-love is not the same as narcissism. No one person is more important than anyone else.